The Problem with Affirmations and How to Solve It

What does this man jumping from one building to another have anything to do with affirmations?

It's the gap, baby!

This guy was very aware that if that gap was too wide, it could mean severe injuries or worse. But did you know that the same principle can be applied to affirmations too?

Before I explain, let's discuss what an affirmation is.

An affirmation is a positive statement that you repeat to yourself to "raise your vibration," which simply means to make yourself feel better. We all know that a positive mindset is very helpful in sports, academics, and all aspects of life. But did you know that if you don't do it right, it can backfire???

Yep. It's true. The reason why affirmations don't seem to work for some of us (including me at times!) is that we are doing them wrong.

"How so? How could simply saying something positive be bad, Steve?" I can hear you thinking now...

Well, let me explain...

We all have a belief system, right? And most of us were born with a very upbeat, positive, and confident belief system. But as we grew up, our belief system about ourselves was under attack by external forces like teachers at school, classmates, and perhaps parents and other family members. And most of our deep-rooted core beliefs about ourselves were created when we were children. So, for example, when a child of 10 messes up an oral report in class and the classmates laugh, that child could decide right then and there that they were a horrible public speaker. Unless a concerted effort was made, that same child would more than likely grow up to always feel like they were a failure at public speaking and perhaps even in life.

But everyone is different. Some of us are more sensitive than others. So, for some of us, we may have just brushed off the embarrassing incident and not taken it to heart. But for another person, they may allow one childhood event to hinder their beliefs about themselves from that point on.

To explain the gap problem easily, imagine that you are feeling very depressed. You've had something really bad happen that has put you in a state of true depression. But then you heard some spiritual guru discuss how important it is to say out loud positive affirmations about love, passion, excitement, and joy. But you feel like you are light-years away from that feeling!

Regardless, you try it anyway. You try to say a positive affirmation. Immediately, you actually feel worse!

So, what's the deal exactly?

If you are feeling depressed and you say an affirmation like, "I love my life and I love myself," you aren't going to believe it. It's going to feel VERY untrue for you. Abraham Hicks describes it as there being too much of a GAP between depression and love. And if you try to JUMP THAT GAP from one very low feeling to one very high feeling, you're going to fall in the gap and maybe even injure yourself vibrationally by making yourself feel worse.

Does that make sense? You already know this intuitively, I believe. Don't you hate it when you're in a bad mood and some cheery person comes along and tries to get you to jump a feeling gap that is way too far for you?

I do. I hate that! It doesn't happen often to me nowadays, but it still does, and when it does, it stinks! I feel even worse because I get depressed that I'm depressed, even though I'm supposed to be this positive, energy-healing guy.

So, what's the solution???

Gradually work your way up the emotional scale instead.

What do I mean by that?

The emotional scale is a scale that Abraham Hicks came up with. It lists all the possible human emotions on a scale from the lowest of the lows, like depression, guilt, and shame, all the way up to love, passion, and joy. In between are feelings like revenge, anger, frustration, contentment, hope, and more.

If you think about it, if you are depressed, doesn't the thought of revenge feel a little better? It's more empowering, right? Now, I'm not recommending that you ever take ANY action when you're feeling revenge, but that is a feeling that you CAN JUMP TO from depression.

Then, once you raise your vibration to revenge, you can gradually get into higher and higher levels of feeling.

One important point to understand is that the thought of revenge IS A POSITIVE AFFIRMATION if you are feeling depressed. It's all relative. Revenge is relatively more positive than depression.

Here is a short example (too short honestly) of saying gradual positive affirmations: this is what a conversation in your own head can sound like if you're feeling depressed:

• "I am so depressed right now." (Start with where you are)

• "That employee at work hurt my feelings." (Detailed recognition of where you are)

• "I wish I could get revenge on him tomorrow at work!" (Slightly better, more empowered feeling--you just raised your vibration some)

• "Although that feels better, I know I shouldn't do that" (Recognition of where you are)

• "It is a bit frustrating." (Higher vibration than revenge and anger)

• "But I know that I'll be over this soon." (Moving to contentment)

• "I'm probably making too big of a deal of what this co-worker said." (Contentment now which is a higher vibration)

• "Maybe my co-worker was just having a bad day." (Forgiveness which is even higher)

You get the idea, right? When you do this, only say things that feel true to you, but say them gradually and use your own words.

So, it's never a good idea to force positive affirmations on yourself if you're not feeling it. But if your gap is close, then go for it!

The point is to first, evaluate where you are, and then gradually work your way up the emotional scale to the point where saying a very positive affirmation feels GREAT, instead of bad...

I hope this helps you understand why you must be careful when choosing what positive affirmations you say to yourself.

If you have any questions about it, please ask them in the comments below.

Thanks for reading!

Steve